Thursday, March 7, 2013

Unwritten

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Thank you, Natasha Bedingfield for providing the perfect theme song to this day: 

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is, where your book begins
The rest in still unwritten

We flew into Nelson via relatively small prop plane yesterday (but not the smallest we've flown on!) Did I cry when I saw it? Yep. I do feel a little bit like I'm over-playing the whole "I was supposed to be here six months ago but got cancer so couldn't make it," situation. But the feeling is authentic. I can't believe I'm here. I can't believe all that's happened, both in the last month and in the last year. I can't explain what it's like to want something so purely and so much that it actually happens. 

Lucky. Blessed. Spoiled... You name it. I feel all of it.

So in just a few hours I'll step foot on the Abel Tasman. The original destination. I look up at my reflection in the mirror occasionally as I write and I'm reminded of where I've been. My hair is about two inches long now. It can almost be cute, but it's still undeniably a forced "do." I replay the events of the last two years and I wonder if it was all bound to happen the way it did, or whether I have control over any of it at all. I'm a big believer in having choices and accepting responsibility for the consequences of our actions. But I don't know where cancer fits into all of that. Then I really confuse myself by believing that I wouldn't change a damn thing. This place, at this time is exactly where I'm supposed to be.

The goal for this track. Feel it. Swim in that beautiful blue sea. Drench myself in words unspoken. Roll in the sand. Live it with arms wide open. Cry. Let it in. Laugh...

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